


I can't live without you

by Edgy_Trashbag



Category: Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Phanfiction, Plot Twist, Sad, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:31:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9691631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edgy_Trashbag/pseuds/Edgy_Trashbag
Summary: What happens when 2012 PHAN breaks up?





	

**Author's Note:**

> THERE IS A MAJOR PLOT TWIST

I wish I could say everything between us was perfect. I mean it was, but not anymore. The stress of everything around us has made me hate him. I know it's not his fault but I have to blame somebody. I can't live without him but I can't live with him anymore. There's no way in hell we are going to recover after this. 

Our fanbase are constantly pressuring us about our relationship, of course it's real. There's no way it's not, I just didn't want them knowing. It's so stressful, having everybody know literally everything about us. Sometimes I want my space. I don't care if it's obvious that I love Phil, I just want space. 

Everybody has made me hate him. We are different people, I don't always have to be with him... Even if that's what I want. I dream of finally being happy, I dream of when I can finally be comfortable with myself. I love Phil but I don't love myself. It's so hard to love another person when you hate yourself. I would kill to finally be able to be comfortable with Phil on camera, I wish I didn't have to hide. 

I do though, everybody is either pressuring us to be in a relationship or to be straight! Most of them are twelve anyways! What I do and my sexuality shouldn't have to be their business, but when you put yourself on the internet like I do you don't really have a choice. I'm being pressured about everything and I just need a break. 

So far this year has been one of the shittiest years I've had in a while. On December 31, 2011 at 11:59 I never thought my life could go to shit so quickly. I didn't think correctly. I just wish I could go back to the way things were, when things were easy and simple, all that mattered was our love for each other. This whole year has sent me back into my crippling depression. I would never tell Phil but I've started self harming again. Nowhere where he could see though. Also sex, we don't have sex anymore, at all. Hell. We don't even sleep in the same room anymore. 

When I finally broke was when Phil told me we needed to talk. I knew it wasn't going to be good. We sat down on his bed and tears where already streaming out of his eyes. This was clearly hard for him.  
"Dan, I don't think I love you like I did yesterday. I don't think I love you anymore." We were both crying but I was crying more. I knew this was going to happen. I've dreaded this moment for so long. "I'm sorry, Dan. I still care about you so much, but right now we can't do this, you can't do this. I can't do this." 

I understood where he was coming from so I tried not to get angry. He can't help that he doesn't love me anymore. I knew it was coming, of course it was, how fucking stupid of me to think he would love me. How fucking ignorant of me.  
"I know, I can't live without you but I need you to be happy." I barely could force the words out yet I still did it. I got up using all of the strength I had left and I went to my room. I slammed my door shut and locked it. I didn't want anybody to come in. I just needed to be alone. 

I screamed into my pillow for I don't know how long. It felt like i had been screaming for years. My screams and tears were choking me but I didn't care. I don't care about anything anymore. I just want to die. I need to die.  
I heard Phil knocking on my door but I ignored him. I couldn't talk to him, not after this. Not after I angrily stormed off because he told me the truth. I'm just an asshole. 

"Dan, I'm going to the store to get milk and cereal call me if you need anything, okay?" I didn't answer. At least not in words. I groaned really loudly and he took that as a sign to just piss off. After I knew he was gone I decided that it was the end. 

I had to write the note. I haven't thought about doing this since before Phil came into my life. I couldn't go back now. Once I get this thought in my head it's nearly impossible to get rid of it. I don't even try to get rid of it anymore. I just want to die. 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

I knew Dan wasn't okay but I thought it would be fine to leave for half an hour. I guess not. I shouldn't have ever left this flat. Why did I leave this flat just to go to the store? I mean I left because Dan needed time alone but I also had to get stuff from the store. 

 

I unlocked and opened the door to the flat and already there was a sinking feeling in my chest. Nothing felt right. Oh no. Oh no. HOLY SHIT NO. I throw the grocery store bag on the floor and ran to Dans room. I knew what I was going to see. 

Surprisingly his door was unlocked, even though I was dreading opening it. I knew what I was going to see but I didn't want to see it. I knew what I was going to see would change my life forever.

I slowly opened the door and immediately regretted it. Dan was not on his bed, no Dan was hanging from the ceiling. I couldn't control myself and I vomited into my hands. No. No. No NO NO NO. This can't be! This is all my fault.  
"DAN! PLEASE! NO!" I scream loudly. "DAN NONONONO!" There was no use. I was too late. I'm always too late. I walk over to his limp body and feel to see if his heart is still beating or if he's 100% gone. His body was still warm. YES! I felt a pulse. 

There was still a chance he was alive. After careful movements I got Dan out of the noose made out of one of his belts. Just the thought of him being dead makes me physically ill. I call the police because I need to get Dan to help. I explain the whole situation and now they are on their way. I'm just praying to God that he won't die. 

 

Dan is now in a hospital bed and things aren't looking so well. He's not going to survive this. I know he won't. I'm paying attention to the machine. All of a sudden "BEEEEEEEEEEEP" and then it stops. Dan is dead.  
"Phil, Phil, PHIL!" I hear somebody yell. 

 

 

All of a sudden I wake up in my current bed. Dan is shaking me awake. "PHIL!" Dan has a very concerned look on his face. "YOU WERE SCREAMING!"  
"Dan! You're still alive!" I let out a sigh of relief. "I thought you were dead!" Oh my god. Oh my holy fucking god. 

Dan informs me that I had a nightmare and that it is in fact 2017 not 2012. Thank fucking god. I thought I had lost him. I thought I had lost my best friend, and my soulmate. Imagine how terrible that would be. God am I glad that it was just all a bad dream. Holy crap. Dan pulls me into a tight hug and kisses my cheek. I'm glad we are finally comfortable.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this is crap I did this really quickly because I had the idea and I had to do it! Also check out all my other PHANFICTIONS.


End file.
